How to Deal with Resentment in Your Marriage

By Brenda Tillman 
Save Your Marriage - Proven Techniques

Reviewed & edited by Lenny Terra - If you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Most married couples have some degree of resentment between them. It might be directed at your spouse, or it might be directed at other people or things.

Resentment can eat away your relationship and make it difficult to enjoy life. But there are ways to deal with resentment and improve your marriage. In this post, we’ll explore some of the best methods for managing resentment in your relationship.

Why does resentment develop in couples, and what causes it?

Resentment is a feeling of anger, frustration, or bitterness that builds up when you feel like you’re not being treated fairly. It can be directed at your spouse, or it can be directed at other people or things. 

resentment

Resentment often happens when we feel like we’re not getting what we deserve. We might think our spouse doesn’t appreciate us or feel like we’re doing all the work in the relationship.

Resentment is a common emotion that married couples experience. It is usually caused by a feeling of being wronged or disrespected. If left unchecked, resentment can build up and poison your relationship.

What are some of the consequences of resentment in marriage?

When resentment builds up, it can hurt both partners. One consequence is that it can lead to further emotional distance. If you’re feeling resentful, you may start to withdraw from your spouse emotionally.

This can result in a lack of communication and intimacy, further damaging your relationship. Resentment can also lead to destructive behaviors like affairs or drug use.

If left unchecked, resentment can destroy a marriage.

That’s why it’s so important to face the problem straight on. Resentment can also make it difficult to resolve conflicts in your marriage. If you’re feeling resentful, you may be quick to anger or become defensive.

This can make it hard to work through problems and can cause further damage to your relationship. It’s essential to try to resolve conflicts calmly and constructively. If you’re having difficulty doing this on your own, seek out outside support.

When resentment builds up, it can also lead to feelings of anger and bitterness.

If you notice that you’re feeling irritable or short-tempered more often than usual, or if you’re having difficulty controlling your anger, this is a sign that you need to address your resentment.

These negative emotions can be very destructive and can cause a lot of damage to your marriage. It’s important to deal with these feelings head-on before they cause any more harm.  

These are the signs that you are resentful in your marriage.

There are a few key signs that you may be feeling resentful in your marriage. If you notice any of the following, it’s a good idea to take a closer look at your feelings and explore how to deal with them.

  • You find yourself withdrawing emotionally from your spouse.
  • You’re quick to anger or become defensive when conflicts arise.
  • You’re feeling irritable or short-tempered more often than usual.
  • You’re having difficulty controlling your anger.
  • You feel like you’re not being appreciated.
  • You feel like you’re doing all the work in the relationship.
Signs That You Harbor Resentment

What factors contribute to resentment between spouses?

There are a few key causes of resentment in marriage. One of them is poor communication. Poor communication between you and your partner increases the likelihood of misunderstandings and conflict. This can cause resentment to build up over time.

Another common cause of resentment is a lack of appreciation. If you feel like your spouse doesn’t appreciate all that you do, it can lead to feelings of anger and resentment. This is often compounded by a sense that you’re not getting the recognition you deserve.

Finally, unrealistic expectations can also lead to resentment. If you expect your spouse to meet some impossible standard, you will likely be disappointed. This can cause anger and frustration, which can lead to resentment. It’s necessary to have realistic expectations to avoid this trap.

Acknowledge your feelings and talk about the issue calmly and openly.

Resentment is a normal feeling that everyone experiences at some point in life. However, when resentment is left unresolved, it can hurt your relationship.

If you’re resenting your partner, it’s vital to acknowledge your feelings and take steps to resolve the issue. Don’t ignore them or try to bury them. Recognize that resentment is happening and that it’s causing problems in your marriage. 

Having frank and open conversations is crucial.

If you’re feeling resentful, tell your partner how you’re feeling and why. Be specific about what’s causing the resentment. By hearing your side of the story, they can better comprehend the problem and, perhaps, fix it. 

You can do this by writing a letter expressing your hurt and anger. Once you’ve vented all your frustrations, tear up the letter or throw it away.

This will help you release the negative emotions and start fresh. If you’re having trouble communicating with your spouse, consider seeking counseling from a qualified marriage therapist.

With some effort, you can overcome the resentment and build a stronger, more loving relationship.

Try to see things from their perspective.

It’s easy to get caught up in our lives to the point that we forget that everyone has their own perspective. When you’re resentful towards your spouse, try to take a step back and see things from their point of view.

Often, we discover that our spouses are acting out of love or concern – not malice or spitefulness. If we can understand where they’re coming from, it’s easier to forgive them and move on.

Learning To See Things From Another's Perspective

Work together to find a solution.

Once you’ve both acknowledged the existence of resentment, it’s time to start working on a solution. This will require some effort and compromise from both of you.

Talk about the situation and try to come up with a plan that makes both of you happy. Spouses should try to understand each other’s perspectives and look for ways to compromise.

If you’re feeling resentful because you feel like you’re doing all the work around the house, talk to your partner about how you can lighten your load.

Maybe they can take on some of the chores or help out more around the house. If you’re feeling resentment because of financial problems, talk to your partner about how you can improve your situation.

Maybe you can create a budget or start saving money. Whatever the issue is, try to find a solution that works for both of you.

Forgive each other and move on from past disagreements.

Sometimes, resentment can be caused by past disagreements or hurt feelings. If this is the case, it’s vital to forgive each other and move on.

Holding onto anger and resentment will only damage your relationship further.

Forgive

Talk about what happened and why you’re upset. Then, work together to find a way to move forward.

If you’re having trouble forgiving your partner, try to see things from their perspective. Consider what may have motivated them to act the way they did.

Once you understand where they’re coming from, it will be easier to forgive them.

You may also want to apologize for your part in the disagreement. This can help pave the way for forgiveness.

Please remember that forgiveness does not entail forgetting. You will still remember what happened, but you won’t let it affect your relationship. Once you’ve forgiven each other, you can start fresh and build a stronger, more loving marriage.

Take some time for yourself.

When resentment is left unchecked, it can lead to stress and anxiety. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take some time for yourself to relax and rejuvenate.

Every day, even only for a few minutes, set aside some time to relax and focus on yourself. Taking care of yourself will help reduce stress and make it easier to deal with challenging situations in your marriage.

Try to find things that make you happy outside of your relationship.

Spend time with friends, pursue a hobby, or take a trip by yourself. Maybe you can take a long bath, go for a walk in nature, or read a book. Doing things that make you happy will help reduce the stress and anxiety caused by resentment.

Remember that there are certain things beyond your control. There will always be circumstances outside your power. By acknowledging this truth, you will be better able to let go of anger and go on with your life.

Show appreciation.

One of the best ways to overcome resentment is to show your spouse how much you appreciate them. If you’re resentful because you’re not being appreciated, take some time to express your gratitude.

Thank them for all they do for you.

Compliment them on their positive qualities. Let them know how much you appreciate their presence in your life. This will help to balance out the negative emotions and rebuild your connection.

Mel Robbins: Why showing appreciation is YOUR superpower

Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

If you resent your spouse, it’s important to focus on your relationship’s positive aspects. Resentment can damage a marriage, so it’s crucial to find ways to address the problem. One way to do this is to focus on the good times you’ve had together.

What are the things that drew you to your partner in the first place? What are the qualities that make them unique?

When you focus on the good, it can help offset the negative feelings.

Remember when you first got married, and everything felt new and exciting? Try to recapture that feeling by doing something new together, like taking a dance class or planning a weekend getaway.

You can also plan special date nights or write love letters to each other. Doing things to strengthen your relationship can help reduce resentment and build a stronger bond.

Is there any long-term solution to preventing resentment?

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to prevent resentment from building up over time in a marriage relationship. However, there are some things that you can do to help reduce the likelihood of resentment developing.

Some tips for preventing resentment in your marriage include:

  • Sharing your goals, needs, and hopes for the future with one another in an open and honest manner.
  • Showing appreciation for each other often.
  • Spending time together doing activities that both of you like.
  • Making an effort to understand and empathize with each other’s perspectives.
  • Taking breaks from each other when needed to avoid burning out.
  • Seeking counseling or therapy if resentment is already present in your relationship.

If resentment is already present in your marriage, it’s critical to address the issue as soon as possible. Ignoring resentment will only allow it to fester and grow.

Can counseling help resolve resentments in a marriage relationship?

In some cases, yes. If resentment is already present in your marriage, counseling can help you and your spouse identify the cause of the bitterness and find ways to overcome it.

Counseling can also help you learn new communication and conflict-resolution skills that can prevent resentment from developing in the future.

Therapy can also help couples deal with their resentments constructively. In addition, counseling can provide a safe space for couples to express their anger and frustration healthily. As a result, counseling can be an effective tool for resolving resentments in marriage relationships.

However, it’s important to remember that counseling is not a quick fix. Overcoming resentment in a marriage requires work and patience.

Resentment- 3 Steps To Heal It!

Conclusion.

Resentment is a common emotion that can crop up in any close relationship, including marriage. If you’re resentful towards your spouse, it’s essential to understand that this is normal and that you can overcome it. However, it will take time and effort.

If you’re struggling, consider seeking counseling from a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings.

With time and effort, you can overcome resentment and build a stronger, more loving relationship with your spouse.

Please leave a comment below if you have any questions or suggestions. Thanks for reading!

Author

  • Brenda Tillman 

    Brenda Tillman is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner, a dedicated mom blogger, and a life enthusiast. She also has completed courses on Parenting Skills, Learning, and Education. She is married and is the proud mother of a boy and two girls. She loves being with her family and pets. She has been blogging for over five years now and enjoys sharing her thoughts on parenting, relationships, health & fitness as well as other topics that come up in life.

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