Surviving Infidelity: The Vital Steps to Recovery

By Joanna Perez

Reviewed & edited by Lenny Terra - This blog is supported by its readers. If you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Infidelity is a complicated thing to recover from. It can take months and years to recover from the emotional damage of infidelity fully.

You need to take many steps to survive infidelity and come out on the other side stronger than ever before!

This blog post will guide you through the process of recovery by teaching you what not to do, how it affects relationships, and what actions you should be taking instead.

Let’s talk about how infidelity affects relationships!

Trust is the foundation of every relationship – if it has been broken or torn down, then there needs to be a process of rebuilding this trust back into place before moving forward again.

It may take months for some people to forgive their spouse/partner after an affair entirely but keeping communication open throughout the entire process will make things easier on everyone involved.

Infidelity

It is not always necessary to forgive someone who has cheated on you. Still, it can be beneficial if both parties are willing to work together towards rebuilding a stronger relationship.

This does not mean that everything will go back the way things were before – there have been so many changes and damage done inside of your current situation that neither party should expect things to fall right into place again.

Instead, plan out a series of short-term goals with daily or weekly steps to move forward from this challenging period as best as possible!

Most importantly, you should never forget about your mental health throughout this entire process.

If you find yourself struggling to cope with the current situation, it is time to reach out for help!

Unhealthy coping mechanisms can be detrimental in recovering from infidelity, and they may even make things worse before they get better again.

Instead of turning towards something harmful or self-destructive, turn towards healthier alternatives that will allow you to heal much faster than ever before!

But first, let’s talk about what not to do.

Don’t blame yourself!

Even if you feel as though it is your fault or that they would have never cheated on you had you done something differently, don’t take the blame for someone else’s poor choices. It is their responsibility and fault for having an affair with another person. You can only change how YOU react and respond to a situation – no one else.

Don’t be alone!

While it may be challenging to trust someone once you’ve been cheated on, you mustn’t go through the recovery process yourself. Seek out support from friends and family members who will act as your “safety net” during this time of emotional stress. If there are no people around for you to turn to, consider joining a local grief group or counseling center where you can talk with other individuals in similar situations.

Don’t focus on what went wrong!

It doesn’t matter if they were an alcoholic, flirted too much at work, lacked motivation – whatever the cause might have been – don’t try to blame their actions because they were looking for something more. You are not responsible for their actions, so don’t take it upon yourself to fix them.

Don’t be afraid of the future!

Everyone has good days and bad days, but try not to dwell on what happened in the past or how you might miss your ex-partner. Instead, look forward with hope by finding new hobbies that may help you grow as a person while enjoying time spent with friends instead of dwelling over old feelings.

Don’t have sex with them!

Respect yourself enough to NOT go back into an intimate relationship until both parties are fully committed and ready for such actions. You need to be 100% sure they mean what they say before jumping right back into bed together after being betrayed.

Don’t isolate yourself!

Many people will want to retreat and deal with their pain alone; you mustn’t do this – especially if children are involved. They need a stable home environment to grow up in, and they will benefit from having two parents who are both present emotionally.

Don’t forget about your happiness!

This is not the time for you to go on a diet or stop going out with friends – this is the time when you should focus all of your energy and attention towards yourself so that you can come back stronger than ever. You need to be happy before anyone else to fully heal from such an event because it will show that you are resilient enough to face whatever might come next. Don’t neglect your mental health just because someone hurt you emotionally.

Make sure they know what they did was wrong!

Even if both parties agree to move forward together, make sure they understand how much pain their actions brought onto others, especially those directly involved (you, children). They need to apologize and take responsibility for their actions.

Don’t be afraid to move on!

It is perfectly okay if you want to file a divorce, start dating again, or even remain single – it doesn’t matter as long as YOU are happy with your decision. Don’t let someone else’s poor choices keep you from being happy in life.

Don’t give up hope!

Finally, no matter how much pain or hurt you feel right now – don’t give up hope. Remember that this is only one chapter out of your entire life so that it can be closed at any moment without hesitation. There are many wonderful things ahead of you and lots of experiences for you to learn from, so never lose sight of what’s truly important in life! Always remember… You deserve better than being treated poorly by someone else!

affair

Now, here is a list of things that you can start doing now to recover from infidelity.

Start working on yourself!

Find hobbies or activities that make you happy (maybe even ones that help out others)! You should not rely solely on someone else for happiness because this puts too much pressure on them to make you happy.

Stay away from your ex-partner until both of you are fully committed!

It’s not fair for either partner if they aren’t ready to altogether leave the past behind and move forward with each other as a united front; this will only put more strain onto the relationship (or potential future together).

Seek professional help!

Often, the victim of infidelity will need to speak with a therapist or counselor to develop ways to heal and move on without harboring negative feelings towards their partner, which can lead to resentment.

It is also essential for your children’s sake if there are any involved because they too could be feeling confused about the situation at home. If you find that it isn’t getting better over time, then consider individual counseling as well, so everyone feels heard and validated.

This way, problems won’t fester under the surface but rather be open for discussion/resolution immediately before things get worse than they already are.

Don’t let this define you!

Infidelity doesn’t have to be your permanent identity. You are not “the cheated on”; you are a person who survived an affair and came out stronger than ever before!

Give yourself time to heal!

If it has only been about three months since the incident of infidelity took place, then give yourself at least another year (if you can) for emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, etc., to subside into normal daily feelings that aren’t as intense because they will hold you back from moving forward if they won’t fade over time.

You must avoid getting involved with someone new until those feelings have entirely dissipated during this healing process.

This is the best way to ensure that if you get back together with your partner, it will be for the right reasons and not out of fear or desperation.

Remember: there are more fish in the sea!

Don’t put all of your eggs into one basket because this causes too much unnecessary pain when things don’t work out (which does happen). It would feel even worse than before since you invested yourself emotionally only to have them taken away again; instead, remain open-minded about meeting new people who might better suit what you’re looking for at this specific time in life.

Reconnect with old friends.

This can help you feel like your old self again and be surrounded by people (and interests) that matter to you most in life and will eventually lead to new relationships as well!

Sometimes we need a break from our routine and daily lives, so it is essential not to isolate ourselves during this time because everyone around you misses connecting with you too.

Tell people what you need!

This is important because everyone needs support during difficult times, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of your feelings.

If it comes down to this, remember that no one can read minds, so the only way they will know how to help positively is if you speak up about it instead of giving them mixed signals or being passive-aggressive when communicating with others who want nothing more than to see you happy again after going through such an emotionally draining period.

The process of recovery and healing takes time.

Give yourself a break if you need it, but don’t overdo it! It is important to stick with the daily routines we had developed before infidelity occurred. They can help us get back on track, even during difficult times when everything seems overwhelming and impossible to accomplish without support from others.

If you decide to continue with the relationship…

After infidelity has occurred, the relationship either continues despite your partner’s mistake, or it does not.

If you choose to stay together with the person who had an affair, certain things must change for forgiveness and trust to be restored on both sides.

continue with the relationship

These changes include: 

  • Your spouse will need to make amends by acknowledging their wrongdoings – they should apologize sincerely and dedicate themselves completely to making sure this never happens again. They should ask what can be done so that they do not put you through this pain ever again;
  • Your spouse will need to be completely transparent about their actions and whereabouts at all times;
  • You deserve a partner who respects you, so your spouse should know they can not continue to treat you like an object or do things behind your back (which includes using social media);
  • Both of you must learn to trust each other again, but this can’t happen if your partner’s needs aren’t being met as well, which could put them in a position where they feel taken advantage of or lonely all over again. Give each other the space needed to nurture yourself emotionally without feeling guilty about it during this transitional period for everyone involved.
  • Both sides must work together as a team rather than against each other, which causes more problems than solutions after infidelity occurs within the confines of any romantic relationship!
  • Both partners will have to increase communication about where each other is at all times (no secrets) as well as more open discussion of desires;
  • A plan of action should be established to ensure that you are both on the same page moving forward. For example, when does your spouse know it is time for them to leave a social gathering or event? How much personal space do they need given their personality type, so things don’t get out-of-hand again?

These are just some examples, but there may be more depending on what caused this infidelity to occur and how each person can improve themselves after going through something like this together.

The trust between partners will have been broken because one betrayed the other’s feelings by being unfaithful, which means rebuilding that trust takes longer than usual since intense emotions were involved with all parties involved during these intimate moments shared with someone else.

The process of rebuilding trust is vital to the relationship’s survival once infidelity has occurred because it can take a very long time for someone who has been betrayed by their partner in such a way to feel comfortable again with them being physically involved, even if they have no desire or attraction towards anyone else at that particular moment.

If you decide not to stay together…

On the other hand, some couples choose not to stay together after an affair, which is perfectly okay too!

It takes two people willing to work on themselves and be fully transparent about how they are feeling before this type of problem will ever get any better than when it was fresh off the presses during these early stages where nothing seems possible except leaving the person you loved so much just moments ago. Still, you can’t deny your gut instinct.

not to stay together

The couple will need to develop a plan that does not include staying together just for the sake of their children or other family members who may be involved with this relationship and the family dynamic that exists with them included in it.

This is not to say you can’t be friends, but at this point, your romantic relationship will never survive if infidelity has occurred and one person isn’t willing to work on themselves or see things from their partner’s perspective when they feel broken by these actions made behind closed doors.

The couple should consider couples therapy sessions where each of you learns how to communicate about what happened so there are no secrets between partners which could lead to more betrayal in the future.

Once you are ready to move on, you will need to seek legal advice to file for divorce or separation to determine custody arrangements.

Now let’s talk about what this means for your future relationships.

Continue dating and socializing.

It is important to continue dating and socializing with others, but it is also crucial that you take a step back from the process of meeting new people for a while, so give yourself some time before jumping right back into the “dating scene.”

Make sure that you are ready to open yourself up emotionally again because this step is vital for things to work out the way they should.

If not, then it might be best to remain single until your wounds have healed over time instead of rushing into something new if you’re not yet entirely certain about what you want or whom you’re looking for romantically at this time in your life.

Remember that everything happens for a reason!

Try not to let the fear of making mistakes or getting hurt again hold you back from moving forward. Give yourself permission to take risks and make mistakes. Only then will you learn what it takes to build a healthy foundation with someone new who can meet all of your needs as a person first before being pushed into something more serious so soon after going through such a trying experience already.

This may feel like a lot, but take one day at a time and realize that every day brings us closer to finding love again, whether we believe it now or not – trust the process as there is plenty of fish out there waiting to be caught!

Be open with potential partners from day one.

Don’t hold back any feelings/opinions just because you are afraid of scaring them away before actually getting a chance at being in a successful relationship together.

This way, there aren’t any secrets or surprises that might come into the picture later down the line, which could potentially ruin your future before it even begins.

Being open and honest from day one is crucial throughout our lives but especially so during a time like these because we all need to heal in whatever capacity works best for us individually – not what others think we should do without knowing anything about who WE are as individuals!

This will make you feel more vulnerable than ever, but at least you will always know where things stand with another person instead of wondering what is going on in their mind behind your back.

This way, there are no games or manipulations involved because you will already know where you stand with someone else before getting too involved.

So, go ahead and take a leap of faith if it feels right, even if it feels terrifying to take that first step into the unknown!

Be aware of how you are feeling.

This is so important because it will allow you to get in touch with your emotions and feelings, which can help us better understand what we are looking for romantically.

If nothing is happening inside of yourself that makes you feel excited about the prospect of finding love again, then the chances are that the timing isn’t right for you to move forward in this way.

Don’t be afraid of a bit of vulnerability.

This is hard for most people who have been through something like infidelity because they think that being vulnerable means you are weak when in the end, it shows how strong we are as individuals, which makes us more desirable than ever before!

So many couples go years without revealing their true feelings to one another and even keeping things from their partners because they are afraid of being vulnerable.

In the end, this can be so hurtful to a relationship because there isn’t enough honesty and openness in one another anymore, which makes it impossible for them to know if their needs will ever indeed be met by their partner again!

Don’t be afraid of being alone.

Being alone can be scary for some people who are used to having someone else in their life. Still, it is one of the only ways that we will ever truly get a chance at learning how to love ourselves again and giving our hearts time to heal before jumping into another relationship.

Relying on others too much or feeling like you need another person around you all of the time is something that we should avoid because it only leads to us feeling more and more isolated, leading to depression.

Being single for a while doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there who will treat us like gold, but until then, why not spend some time alone doing things that make us feel happy and fulfilled instead of wasting our time with someone who is never going to be able to give us everything that we truly deserve?

Don’t let your self-esteem take a hit.

You have been through a lot, and you might not think that it is possible to find another person who will take the time to see all of your unique qualities, but there are so many people out there waiting for someone just like you!

It is important to remember that you are still the same person who was in a successful relationship before, which means that there are people out there looking for someone just like YOU.

So don’t let your self-esteem take too much of a hit because it could make things more complex than they need to be when trying to move forward in the dating world. After all, you already have enough on your plate to deal with from a previous relationship!

Conclusion

These are the vital steps in recovery from infidelity that you should consider when trying to pick up the pieces and move forward after this traumatic experience took place, which can leave your life changed forever, but it doesn’t mean for worse, just different!

If you follow these guidelines, then chances will be high that you too will survive infidelity without any permanent scars or damages done to yourself mentally/emotionally/physically because at least now there is a silver lining – YOU ARE STRONGER than before, so don’t ever forget about how much power lies within even during difficult times like these.

Whether you continue together or move on, the most important thing is that you can get back on your feet and feel like a strong, capable individual who can do anything they set their mind to because this experience will only make you better in the long run!

Author

  • Joanna Perez is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner, a passionate blogger, writer, traveler, wife, and mother of one boy. Joanna loves to share her thoughts on parenting, health, wellness, and lifestyle. She is a Certified Women Empowerment Life Coach and has done courses on Life Mastery, Happiness, Health, and Success. She also has studied Neuroscience for Parents and took the Skilled Helper Training Course. She believes in helping people become the best version of themselves and strives to provide quality informative and inspiring content. She loves animals, especially her two cats, and can often be found taking photos of them as they pose for the camera.

Leave a Comment